A/N : Hi, guys and welcome to chapter one of Cookie Mania. A story about the beautiful kingdom of Cookie Land in which I, The Most Awesome and Super Cool Second Cookie Overlord (aka: Snickers, aka: KuroMike) and General Cookyster, leads. This story is based on a rather insane conversation we (meaning me and my friends) had online so all characters here are based from real people. A word of warning: when I had this conversation, I was high on sugar from eating cookies and drinking lemon ice-tea, and my friend (Cookyster) already had an insane streak in him so if you're allergic to randomness or cookies (reading about them, but if you are allergic to them then… I really feel sorry for you... my deepest regrets) don't read it. I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes I may have made; I have an editor, but she said she was too lazy… so I'm stuck without one for the moment. What was I going to say…? Oh yeah! Review, Review, Review! Flames aren't nice but if you think it sucks that bad then, alright; as long as you provide me with a valid reason.
Updates will be irregular at the very least, with the exams coming up and all, life is pretty hectic. But one the bright side, after that will be the TWO MONTH LONG HOLIDAY, YAAAAY! So don't worry if I suddenly disappear off the face of the earth for three months… actually be worried, it's not natural for a human to do that. But it's unlikely that I will be absent for that long…
Special thanks to: Cookyster, Apprestice, and Gothylon for helping me
Snicker: So? What are we waiting for?
Cookyster: LET'S GO!
Chapter One: Sir, We Need a New Butterfly-Zapper
It was a striking day in Cookie Land. The sparrows were twittering happily in their nests, the sun was bright and the brilliant sky stretch into an immense span vivid cerulean above. The cool breeze frolicked playfully with the fresh green leaves, almost like a feline toying it between its windy paws. A lone butterfly was flying, its multicolored wings fluttering up and down, propelling it forwards as it flickered in the sky… only to be shot down with a blast of aberrant neon-green light.
The poor insect was jerked violently out of thin air and into the nearby tree before exploding with a flare of unearthly neon-pink light. The tree, now scarred with a horrible black burnt mark, trembled as a few leaves shook loose from the impact. Left in its wake was a perfectly fresh and warm…chocolate-chip cookie?
A figure trudged into the scene. He (or she, for it could've easily been either gender for the figure's entire form was shrouded with a black robe) was wearing a protective mask, the kind you see in construction sites. He (or she) was of average tallness… for a ten-year-old human child, reaching to an astonishing height of one-hundred-and-twenty-nine-point-three-two-one-five-eight centimeters.
In his (or her) hands was a massive grenade that dwarfed his (or her) petite form, a brown leather strap secured the weapon firmly onto his (or her) shoulders; the weapon itself was a spectacular metallic golden color, lined with silver, creating a powerful and deadly image.
Said figure reached up to flick the visor away from their face, to reveal…yet another mask. This one however, was colored a plain white, with one streak of black running through the left side of the mask. It covered said figure's entire face besides the midnight-blue hair which was cut short, and tied into a small pony-tail at the nape of their neck.
"This is really getting old, y'know"
The voice rather low-pitched, almost masculine but not quite; he (or she) reached out one glove hand and gently picked up the cookie before dropping it into the pouch which was concealed in one of the numerous nooks and crannies in his (or her )robe.
"BOB!"
"Eh? Yes, master Snickers?" Another figure appears next to our newly named Snickers. The figure greatly resembled… well, that figure belonged to the ginger man species, therefore looked relatively flat and had eyes and mouths made out of chocolate-chips, its head reaching Snicker's waist.
"DON'T CALL ME THAT! Anyways, I want you to fetch The General for me"
"YESSIR!" screamed Bob the gingerbread man, saluting, about to turn away when a strange fiery light appeared in Snicker's eyes.
"I AM A GIRL!"
Now that clarifies our character's gender…
Poor Bob nearly leaped out of his frosting skin; Snicker's shout was never a good sign for the gingerbread men.
"MA'AM YES MA'AM!" corrected Bob before scampering off into the distance as fast as his little biscuit legs can carry him, in fear of the furious Snicker behind him.
General Cookyster looked up from the piles and piles of cookies in front of him, when a low knock sounded at the front of his door.
"Come in" he welcomed the gingerbread man into the cavern in which he occupied, checking on a pile of chocolate cookies on his oak desk.
Bob timidly ventured into the cavern, his legs clicking against the cold tile floor, echoing across the spacious room.
"So? Did the gingerbread men die again? Cookyster told the cooks again and again to use three eggs to make the batter and not two; if we keep going like this we'll RUN OUT OF GINGER BREAD MEN AND FLOUR! AND DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT FLOUR IS? FLOUR IS ESSENTIAL IN MAKING COOKYES AND WITHOUT COOKYES, COOKYE LAND WILL BE DOOOOOOMED! "
Bob cowered against the force the one of the joint leaders of Cookie Land used.
"N-no, sir; not at all, sir; all gingerbread men are alive and well, and are training hard sir." Bob trembled. He was the head gingerbread man, the captain of the S.A.U.G.M.F.T.G.A.A.F.T.T.C.L., or the Super Awesome and Unbeatable Gingerbread Man Forces That Goes against All Foes That Threaten Cookie Land, (it was named by The Most Awesome and Super Cool Second Cookie Overlord, Snicker) shortly referred to as the GMF (Gingerbread Man Forces), General Cookyster had shortened it for the sake of the Gingerbread soldiers, much the disapproval of Snickers. That meant that he was responsible for any Gingerbread men lost.
The General calmed down after hearing this, "Oh! So, what is it that you need from Cookyster?"
"Umm…Uh… The Most Awesome and Super Cool Second Cookie Overlord, Snickers summons you sir"
"Oh! So little Snickey calls on Cookyster? Ok"
With that General Cookyster proceeds to stuff as many cookies as his possibly can fit, into his mouth.
"Mo Fway, Fookyster Fis Fweady!" (Translation: Okay, Cookyster is ready!)
Just as General Cookyster was about to step out into the open… he toppled over as the second joint leader of Cookie Land barreled into him.
"FWAAAAAAAAA!" shrieked in surprise, still managing to keep all the cookies inside his mouth as he was pushed back, nearly losing his balance.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Snickers, her lighter frame causing her to tumble forwards on the ground at high speed and would've continued to roll if not for the wall preventing her from going any further, screeching into a rather painful stop.
"Cookyster hath found thy, Snickey!"
Snicker, who lay on the floor, still dazed from the sudden impact, stayed silent, trying to find the reason as to why she was seeing star-shaped cookies in the sky.
"OH NO! COOKYSTER HAS KILLED SNICKEY! NOOO! COOKYSTER IS SO SOORRYYY! DO NOT FEAR! COOKYSTER WILL CALL THE GREAT GOTHYLON TO TAKE YOUR CORPSE AND BURY YOU SOMEWHERE!"
General Cookyster makes to drag Snickers but stopped when Snickers let out a pained groan.
"SNICKEY, YOU'RE ALIVE! COOKYSTER DID NOT KILL YOU!"
"Don't you dare touch me Cookyster, or so help me I will kill you and make it look like an accident then claiming your cookie stash as mine!"
Cookyster sniffed, "Meany…"
"Ahh, yes" Said Snicker, brushing herself down and readjusting her mask, as she looked up at Cookyster's taller form about a one foot and a half above hers "Cookyster, we need a new Butterfly-zapper".
"… But what about the old one?" he asked innocently.
Snickers sighed wearily "She's standing right in front of you…"
"Where?" exclaimed Cookyster, looking around.
Snickers sweat dropped.
"Never mind, General, never mind…"
"Um, ma'am"
Snicker fixed Bob with a cold stare, well, as cold as a stare can get through a mask .
"We've just found a straggler at the northern edge of our border."
"And…?"
Cookyster then decided that it was a good time to speak up, "Great! We can take that straggler to be our new Butterfly-Zapper! There, problem solved!"
"What?" screeched Snickers, "Are you crazy? It's a straggler; we can't just let him into one of our strongest forces!"
"Why?"
"Because it's a straggler!" said Snickers, exasperated.
Cookyster merely gazed at Snickers strangely before the bizarre glint made itself present in his eyes.
"…What are you planning?" asked Snickers guardedly.
Without saying a word, Cookyster used his superior size as an advantage and picked Snickers up by the scruff of her clothes and proceeded to trot happily towards the border, his load kicking and screaming on his back, with a nervous Bob leading the way.
"Cookyster is going to get a new Butterfly-Zapper, Snicker."
AANNND CUT!
So? What do you think?
Cookyster: Well, Cookyster thinks that it was really AW-
Snicker: Horrible.
Cookyster: B-but, you're the one who wrote it!
Snicker: …Whatever. I am feeling emo right now so don't bother me. Let me brood in peace.
Cookyster: …
The next update will come soon (I hope), REVIEW! If you do, I'll send you a virtual cookie :)
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